


Fall for You

by erisgregory



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of past Michael/Maria
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-27 21:44:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19798369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erisgregory/pseuds/erisgregory
Summary: Michael has been steadily losing control more and more often. Alex is the only one that can talk him down.





	Fall for You

**Author's Note:**

> from a tumblr prompt: Malex - Alex says, "I'm done going to the ends of the earth for people who clearly wouldn't do the same for me and apparently just don't care."
> 
> Beta'd by the incomparable [allthehearteyes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/allthehearteyes/pseuds/allthehearteyes), I was lost before she pointed me in the right direction. All remaining mistakes are my own.

Lately, when Max calls, it’s been one reason, and one reason only. Something’s wrong with Michael. Alex sighs and considers not answering this time. What would they do if he just decided he’s had enough? In fact he ought to just tell Max that very thing.

He answers the phone, bristling at the fact that this was all he was apparently good for anymore. “What do you want, Max? I’m busy.” 

Alex  _ was _ busy but maybe not in the strictest sense of the word. Kyle had left and he was supposed to be coming out of the bunker and going to get some dinner as he’d promised the good doctor. Instead he’s still slogging through the Project Shepard files.

“It’s Michael.” Max starts and this makes Alex angry. He doesn’t know why. He’d known to expect that.

“Of course it is. You know what, Max? I'm done going to the ends of the earth for people who clearly wouldn't do the same for me and apparently just don't care. You know he hasn’t said two words to me since this started? And none of you are any better. You act like I’m some kind of Guerin wrangler, but I have a life too.” At some point Alex has come to his feet and he’s pacing, angry, and ultimately hurt by this whole situation. How many times have they called Alex in when they couldn’t talk Michael off the ledge? Too many. Someone else could do it for a change. Maria could do it as far as he was concerned.

There was silence on the other end of the call for just a moment. Then Max took a deep breath. “I want to talk about that, I do. You’re not wrong, but we’re in deep shit over here. I’m talking earth shattering, Michael’s life is in danger kind of shit. He’s going to get himself killed if we don’t stop him and none of us can get near him because he’s literally breaking the ground open under his feet. I’m scared. We need you. If anyone can stop it, it’s you.”

Alex was already on his way out of the bunker. Even though Alex hated that he was the only one that could do this, he couldn’t leave Michael in danger because his feelings were hurt. He’d never forgive himself if something happened.

“Where is he?” He asks, hopping into his suv.

“We’re at the junkyard. You need to park back near the rest of our cars, for safety.” Max tells him.

“I’ll be there as quick as I can.” Alex assures him, then he hangs up.

As quick as he can unfortunately is still close to twenty five minutes from the Project Shepard bunker to the junkyard. Alex parks near the rest of the car and gets out, walking over to the others. Everyone is there, even Maria, which means he really was the last call. At least they tried, he thinks.

Michael is on the ground, not moving, but the little garage is shaking and there is a fissure in the ground right next to him that leads out toward the group and it’s fairly wide. He can’t see how deep it is from where he’s at, but he can tell that it’s almost large enough for a person to fall into. His heart clenches immediately and he turns to everyone else.

“What happened? How long has he been like this?” He demands.

It’s Isobel who answers. She looks at Michael and then back to Alex. “It’s been almost two hours.” She admits. “He’s been drinking today and when I told him he needed to face his demons instead of trying to drown his sorrows like this, he lost it. He shook the Airstream until I ran out, but then he followed me. Screamed at me to mind my own business.” Isobel’s eyes teared up and Alex could see that this was difficult for her to talk about.

“He’s never been so angry with me. The ground was shaking and it just didn’t stop. I begged him, I apologized, but he wouldn’t hear me. I called Max, and he brought Liz.” She can’t keep going because she’s crying too hard now. So Max holds her close and Liz takes over the explanation.

“We thought if Maria came it might make a difference. I know we’ve been too dependent on you, but it just made everything worse. Any time one of us goes near him the ground opens up a little more. At this point I think we’re all afraid he’s trying to hurt himself.” Liz says. Max nods and Maria looks like she’s going to start crying too.

“Okay, I’m going over, everyone else just stay back, okay? I don’t want anyone getting hurt.” Alex tells them in his very best Captain Manes voice. He gets a nod from each of them before he heads over toward Michael.

“Michael?” He calls as he walks the long way around to avoid the fissure.

“Alex?” Michael asks, but Alex can barely hear him. He doesn’t move at all, but the garage behind him stops shaking so Alex considers that a small win.

“Yeah, it’s me. I’m here. Are you going to let me come over?” Alex asks.

“Don’t, Alex, it’s not worth it.” Michael shivers and begins to weep. “Just leave me alone.”

“Not a chance. Talk to me. What happened?” Alex asks, but this time there’s no answer so he continues to cautiously make his way toward Michael.

When he reaches him he bends down and carefully places a hand on Michael’s back. Michael is shaking with his sobs and it tears Alex in two to see him this bad. Usually he’s just angry or drunk, but this is totally different.

Alex eyes the fissure. It's too close and Alex wants to get Michael to move, but he’s not sure how. “We should move.” Alex says and finally,  _ finally _ , Michael looks up at him. His eyes are red rimmed like he’s been crying for hours and he has dark circles under them. His face is too gaunt too, as though he hasn’t had enough to eat lately. Something inside Alex cracks open and he pulls Michael to him. They don’t do this. They don’t touch, they don’t talk, but Alex can’t help it this time. Michael is broken and he’s clinging to Alex like he’s a lifeline.

Michael doesn’t calm very quickly. He sobs against Alex’s shoulder for a long time. Long enough that Max tries coming close to see what’s going on and the ground rumbles once more. 

“We’re okay.” Alex calls. “I’ll text you, you should go.” He says. And part of him hates that, hates that he’s already decided to stay as long as Michael needs him, because this is so fucking unfair that it’s unbelievable. Alex should be the one falling apart, not the other way around.

The moment he thinks it, he scolds himself silently. Michael has had a lot of trauma in the recent past. He’s found and lost his mother, he had to leave her and all the other aliens behind. There was the thing with Isobel and then Max was dead, it’s not fair to think that Alex is the only one worthy of heartbreak. Michael deserves a chance to fall apart if he needs to. 

It doesn’t make this easier though. Alex is still angry and hurt and seeing Michael like this makes him only angrier. Aren’t his friends and family taking care of him at all?

“Michael, let’s go inside. Get away from this hole in the ground.” He says softly. He pulls at Michael and Michael just goes like he has no mind of his own. Alex feels a lump in his throat as he pulls Michael to his feet and guides him around the fissure.

They make it to the Airstream and once Michael is sitting on his bed, Alex pulls out his phone and texts Max. 

_ Alex: Is there anything that can be done about the fissure? It needs to be closed. _

_ Max: Maybe. Isobel and I could try. We’ve been practicing other powers. _

_ Alex: Good. I’ve got Michael inside, I’m not leaving him any time soon.  _

_ Max: Thank you. _

_ Alex: We still have to have a conversation about this. Soon. _

_ Max. Understood. _

Alex stashes his phone back in his pocket and looks down at Michael. He hasn’t moved since they got in, but he still has tears streaming down his cheeks. Alex sits next to him and carefully pulls him into his arms, holding him tight. Michael clings to him, fisting handfuls of Alex’s shirt as he gives in and sobs once more.

He’s shaking so hard Alex is almost afraid he’ll shake apart in his arms and it pulls at Alex’s heart like nothing else. Michael cries like he’s broken, completely, and it speaks to something in Alex, to his own broken heart. He doesn’t want to soften, he wants to keep some distance here, but it’s almost impossible with the man he loves in his arms falling apart so fully. 

Alex begins rubbing soothing circles on Michael’s back, and whispering to him softly, “it’s going to be okay, and shhh shhh, Michael, you’re not alone, I’m here, I’m here.” It’s not a lot but it’s all Alex has to give.

They end up lying together in the small bed and Alex isn’t even sure when it happened, but Michael finally cries himself to sleep, still holding tight to Alex’s shirt. Alex spends the time watching as the sun slowly goes down on the other side of the flimsy curtain hanging over the window. And he thinks.

He thinks about why he’s the only one that can calm Michael down. He thinks about all the times he’s been called out to pick him up from the Pony or to haul him out of Max’s when he’s been ranting and rattling the furniture too hard. None of it had ever seemed like it was about Alex specifically. Which Alex wouldn’t want, wouldn’t want to think that Michael was  _ this _ torn up over someone he clearly hadn’t wanted. It’s confusing because Alex knows Michael is supposed to be with Maria, isn’t he?

So why isn’t he better off? Isn’t he happy? Alex wants him to be happy, even in the deepest most bitter part of his soul. He wouldn’t wish this misery on anyone. 

He falls asleep like that, confused and hurting for this man he still loves. His dreams are full of strife, but waking, oh waking is another thing entirely. He forgets for a minute how he got here. He’s wrapped around Michael whose face is about an inch from Alex’s. Michael’s curls seem to glow in the early morning sunlight streaming through the window. The light catches on his lashes, darkening them against his cheek. His mouth is parted slightly and it’s right there and Alex just wants to kiss him. It would be so easy.

That’s when he realizes how he got there and why. Slowly, so as not to disturb Michael, he begins to pull away.

“Where’re you going?” Michael mumbles reaching to pull him back down.

“Michael. I don’t think this is such a good idea.” Alex complains. It’s not a good idea, at all, but it blooms in Alex’s mind all the same, like when spring has finally come after a bleak winter.

“I won’t do anything to you, just stay a while.” Michael says, and the way he says it hurts Alex. Like he’s afraid Alex is scared. Alex is definitely scared but not in that way. Only for his heart which he’s dangerously close to revealing here in this cramped little bed.

“I trust you.” Alex says softly; a confession.

He slides back into position, his arms winding around Michael who then lays his head back on the pillow inches from Alex’s. His eyes are so beautiful up close like this. Alex can see all the flecks of gold and caramel in them. Ringed in a dark brown, they are piercing in a way no one else’s eyes ever have been for Alex.

“I’m sorry.” Michael says suddenly. It’s a loaded sentence. Of all the things to be sorry for Alex isn’t sure to which he’s referring.

Alex just stares back at him because he doesn’t know what to say or how to take that. But Michael seems to be waiting for an answer so Alex asks, what else can he do? “For what, exactly?” He says the words slowly so they don’t come out as accusing as they sound in his mind.

“For last night. And for all the other times you’ve had to come out and see to me. I’ve been a wreck and you’ve been the only person I could stand to have help me. I know that hasn’t been fair to you.” Michael almost whispers. He reaches for Alex but stops at holding on to his shirt once more, but this time he holds it gently.

“Why is that, why me?” Alex has to know, even if it feels wrong to ask Michael to answer the question in the first place.

Michael takes a deep breath and seems to hold it a moment before pursing his lips. When he speaks he does so haltingly. “It’s always been you, Alex.”

Alex doesn’t really know what to do with that. It seems like a lot to pack into one sentence. So he doesn’t say anything, just continues to look into Michael’s eyes, waiting for more.

“It’s deep inside me, you know? When things get chaotic and I can’t settle my mind, it’s like something kicks in when you show up, something primal, something that I don’t even fully understand myself. But it’s just you. I trust you, I trust you even when I can’t trust myself.” Michael explains as best he can, it’s clear he’s struggling to find the right words.

“And what about Maria?” Alex asks as gently a he can. This is important. Hadn’t he chosen Maria over him because she could make him happy when Alex couldn’t?

“We didn’t work out. I mean I tried, which I know wasn’t right to begin with, but she didn’t want to be with someone who wasn’t in love with her. I was pretty much drunk all that month, you might remember.” Michael says. He reaches up to brush an errant curl off his forehead then puts his hand right back on Alex’s shirt. 

“After that I just felt worse because not only had I let you down, but then I’d let her down. I’d let Max down because I couldn’t figure out how to bring him back at first. So things were bad. But then, even after Max came back, things didn’t get better. I think they’ve just been getting worse. The harder I try to stay away from you the worse it gets.” He admits.

That is a lot to take in. Alex closes his eyes for a moment. He has a choice here. He can push Michael away again, or he can be honest and take a chance. Those choices war within him for a moment, but in the end he decides on honesty.

“I don’t want you to stay away.” Alex says, swallowing against the lump in his throat.

“What?” Michael is genuinely surprised. 

If he is being honest with himself, he is surprised too, by all of this. If he had any sense of self preservation he wouldn’t have said anything.

“I thought you were done with me. It sure seemed that way. You never had anything to say, you never came around unless I needed you.” Michael says.

“Well, I could say the same for you. You never picked up the phone, not once. You never seemed to want to have anything to do with me unless you were falling apart. I didn’t know what to make of that.” Alex says back. He doesn’t mean to come across so defensive, but this is a sore point for him. Michael was the one that walked away in the end. Not Alex.

“I thought I was doing the right thing, giving you space.” Michael explains. His licks his bottom lip and Alex can’t help but track the motion with interest.

“You chose Maria.” Alex says finally, because it has to be said.

“I did, and I was wrong. I knew it immediately, but I tried to hang on and not ruin things for her the way I’d ruined them for you.” Michael’s eyes are suddenly wet around the edges. “I ruin things for the people who care about me. I don’t want to, but it always seems to happen. And when it was clear that she couldn’t take it anymore, and I couldn’t either, we called it quits.” Michael pulls a little at Alex’s shirt. “I should have told you the truth about Maria to your face instead of hoping that someone else would do it for me.

“You should have, yes.” Alex tells him. His heart is hammering away in his chest. This feels important. Life altering in a way that Alex is only just starting to see. Are they going to try again? Is that where this is heading? Does he even want that now?

Of course he does.

“I’m so fucking sorry, Alex, for everything. Do you think there’s any way you could forgive me?” Michael asks, and there it is, this is Alex’s opening.

He takes it. “Yes, I forgive you. And I’m sorry too, Michael. Jesus am I sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?” Michael wants to know. 

He looks so perplexed that Alex wishes he could just kiss the look off his face. But first they need to finish this.

“For driving you away so many times.” Alex begins. He’s had a lot of time to think about it, and while yes, he was angry and hurt still about how everything went down, he knew in his heart that Michael wasn’t the only one who had made mistakes.

“For realizing too late what you meant to me and for expecting you to just come running when I said I was finally ready. That wasn’t fair.” Alex tells him.

One tear slips out of the corner of Michael’s eye and rolls off the tip of his nose. Michael doesn’t even try to wipe it away. “Don’t you apologize to me, I don’t think I can take it.” Michael says, his voice strained.

“I have to, don’t you see? We both made mistakes. We’re both sorry.” Alex tries to soothe Michael by running a hand over his arm, down to where his hand is gripping Alex’s shirt.

“So what now?” Michael whispers.

And that’s the question, the one that Alex has already answered for himself. “If you’re ready, if you’re willing to admit you need help, then we try again. We both get some help. We learn to talk to each other. We can start slowly, give ourselves a chance to get to know each other outside of the bedroom and see where this can really go.” Alex takes a breath. “If that’s what you want.” He adds.

“That’s everything I want.” Michael says. “No, it’s not.” He corrects. “I want to kiss you right now. Please say I can.”

“Please kiss me.” Alex whispers.

And then Michael is moving in closer, his nose bumping Alex’s, and Alex closes his eyes and just breathes in the scent of him, hot and dusty, but still somehow it’s a clean smell, something that clings to him and leaves Alex feeling like he’s finally coming home.

The kiss is tentative at first. They have to readjust the angle, but it goes hot and heavy so fast Alex’s head spins. They don’t have to relearn anything, they know each other on a molecular level, well enough that when Alex bites his way into Michael’s mouth, Michael opens so willingly it makes Alex’s gut clench with want. They grab at one another, hands in hair, on cheeks, holding each other close, ever closer, as their tongues tangle together. 

Eventually they have to breathe, though Alex hates to stop. Michael leans his forehead against his and they just pant against each other’s lips for a moment before opening their eyes at last.

“I love you.” Michael says and Alex is so caught off guard. They’ve said it, but they’ve never _s_ _ aid _ it. Not so plainly. His eyes sting with unshed tears.

“I love you, too.” Alex tells him softly.

“Will you stay today?” Michael asks carefully as though Alex might say no.

Alex is so struck by his vulnerability that he smiles and has to blink several times to clear his vision. “Yes, of course I’ll stay. I’m not going anywhere.” He tells Michael.

Michael’s answering smile lights up the space between them like a supernova and Alex wants more of those smiles, so many more. 

They spend the day in bed talking and eating leftover pizza. Michael calls Isobel and then Max to let them know that he is okay and to apologize for his recent behavior, and they assure him that the fissure is closed and all is well. Alex texts Maria and they plan a lunch date where they can air all of this out once and for all. Both Michael and Alex begin hunting for someone professional to talk to.

It’s a slow beginning, just the type of thing they both need. They make promises, they make plans, and then they make some more. Alex knows this isn’t going to be easy. A lot of trauma and hurt has gone around, but he believes that it will be worth it to try, to really try this time. As they fall asleep that night, lips pressed together, kissing until they can’t keep their eyes open any longer, Alex knows he’s made the right decision. 


End file.
